i am an island...or am i?

years and years ago, i very neatly closed myself off from the rest of the world. i found it a much safer place to be, the cocoon of just my husband and kids. every once in awhile i would meet someone that spoke to my heart and i would let them in. sometimes this worked out, sometimes it didn't. but it started the opening. occasionally it would also close me right back up and convince me that my original path was the best for me. i was sure i didn't know how to do this friendship thing. and i was okay with that. i thought i didn't need anyone. then we moved back to tennessee and i renewed some old friendships and found some new ones. it's been a wild ride. and i thought i was done with my old ways of shutting down and shutting out. but the last 9 months have reminded me that i am still not really any different than i was before. i find these waters still near impossible to navigate. i find myself wanting to check out again. keeping only a tiny fistful of people in my life, letting go of all the rest. i feel the old anxieties coming back. the physical tightness and uncertainty. i'm feeling it right now. i guess that's why i'm writing this. maybe if i get it outside of my head it will help. i don't know. i just don't know.

i did some art yesterday...for the first time in forever i actually felt like it. i ended up not really liking what i'd done. but today, i'm going to do more of it anyway. i also worked in the newly tilled area in our backyard yesterday and felt completely inadequate for the task i want to undertake. but today, i'm going to do more of it anyway.

work in progress

scotty tilling the back yard. there are no pix of me doing this because i did not do any of this. i am simply the cleaner upper...hauling all the grass and weed clumps a zillion times up and down the yard and then mixing in some compost and such when i'm done.

what else have we been doing?:

picking strawberries

my niece, alisha, graduated so we spent a long weekend with family just hanging out...
samuel sewing wesley's pants for him...with red thread (or was it pink?) in the crotch, nice!
my mom and dad
beth with everyone



camping...at carden's bluff on watauga lake. i put up the tent before scotty got there! he left the house on his bike before us and got there later. the view from our site
oooh it's cooold
scotty was so hot from his ride that he jumped right in with his riding clothes on...get cooled off and wash your sweaty clothes all at once!!
sadie washing dishes
the boys swam to this cool little cove under the edge of the cliff
me and scotty at the swimming area (shook branch) where we did not go again after sadie realized she was brave enough to swim in the deep water by our site
me and my girl
the boys spent hours swimming with huge fallen trees...what a work out!!
roasting veggie dogs...oh my stomach!!

and other stuff...

spinach and lettuce

one of the volunteer tomatoes looking happy

my bush beans (they have buds since this was taken)

a handful of wild berries

and finally, my clean desk (well, it's got stuff on it now because i'm USING it, there is no before picture because that would be too embarrassing)

we also went to asheville last week (the day after camping!) to spend some time with alice, rachel, & jake. we went to the free day at the museum!! and then spent the night! we had a great time with them, of course!! oh yeah, we took sierra, karina, and taylor with us too!!

saturday we went to the blue plum festival. we had a few extra kids, sierra and jalen, that i dragged around with us for hours, watched the animation festival and then killed time drinking slushees and looking at arts and crafts, playing on church walls and playgrounds, playing cornhole (yes that is really what it's called!), and meandering around downtown exploring...just waiting for CUTTHROAT SHAMROCK to start playing! ren met up with us during the concert and we danced, danced, danced. then she took us out to eat at burger king. awesome day!

my dad came over on sunday and fixed the kitchen sink AND the bathroom sink! it was actually quite satisfying to finally get it done and to help a little too =). thanks dad!!!

then there was the tilling and desk cleaning on monday...full circle. the end.

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