Monday, October 06, 2008

live and learn - day 3

day 1
day 2

friday was a blur. i was so tired at this point i could hardly get up that morning. but i did. there was breakfast to be eaten!! i decided to take sadie and go to the the 'new games for playful spirits' funshop. we needed to wake up. and learn some new games. our friends jess, tyler, and aleah were there too...yippy!!! it was fun to play and learn new games with them. we left a little early so we could make it to the rest of ren's talk and then anne ohman's talk. but i especially wanted to be there for their roundtable discussion about authenticity and living in the present moment. sadie sat with me for awhile but she was so very very tired. she eventually went out to find sierra. she had her 2-way radio and we kept in touch that way until i knew she was with someone. i was having a hard time listening at this point and so i laid down on the chair. i found that i could listen so much better when i allowed myself to rest and keep my eyes closed rather than focusing so much on trying to keep sitting up and keeping my eyes open. it was refreshing to realize that i could do this and no one would really care. sadie started calling me and i realized i needed to go. we tracked each other down and decided to head for lunch. it was one of the more memorable lunches because it was a little on the mexican side. it was actually really good. one thing that happened pretty often during meal times was trays being dropped. whenever this happened, everyone in the dining hall would applaud. sometimes the person dropping their tray would smile. sometimes not. jess had the most fun dropping trays during the week. i think she was going for a record. but bless her heart, she was trying to get three trays filled and to a table all by herself. can we please get an applause now for jess!!! i was just so glad that we got to eat so many meals together. i was surprised we could even find one another. but somehow at mealtime, either jess or kass were right there. and sometimes we ALL got to eat together. ren was a little harder to find, she's a rock star ya know!!

after lunch, scotty, sadie and i went to beth fuller's 'peaceful partnerships' talk. this was one of those talks that i had not originally planned to go to. i thought, we don't really need any marriage advice. ha!! i remember all the times in my parenting/unschooling journey when i thought i had learned all i needed to know. and how quickly something made me realize that there was still more to learn. there is always more to learn...about everything. and well, we just liked beth so much, we wanted to hear what she had to say. sadie brought along her pen and special notebook and sat there writing and drawing.i sat there and cried. and cried. let's see if i can even recount what brought me to tears. okay, she was talking about love. how you can't get all the types of love you need from one person. it touched a very deep place in me that i had felt before but never resolved. i realized years ago that i was asking scotty to love me in all the ways i needed love. mother love, father love, partner love, friend love, even self love. it was not fair to ask so much of him. we talked about it then and i realized in that moment that i was still doing it today. but why did it make me cry? it was just too deep. that need for so much love. that feeling of never having had it. knowing how little i gave to myself and knowing i had to learn how. sadie didn't know what to make of my crying. scotty smiled at her (my face was buried in his shoulder) and reassured her that i was okay, just feeling a lot of things from listening to the talk. i finally gathered myself up and was able to wipe away the tears and listen some more. by the end, i knew that i had surely learned a little bit more about myself and our marriage. i'm glad we decided to go. i was especially looking forward to the round table discussion afterward, i wanted to hear more of what she had to say. sadie was ready to go so scotty took her somewhere more fun. before he left he asked me to be sure and tell beth how much he enjoyed her talk. something i didn't get to do until much later, maybe the next day or the next. i can't remember. beth is really awesome. she was one of the first people scotty got to hang out with at the conference since his volunteer time on the very first day was spent helping her with the raffle. she told me later that day that he was a keeper. i knew that =)! (in fact, i was told that by several other moms). thanks beth...for everything.

i hung around after beth's talk to hear ronnie maier's talk 'unschooling the wrong way' which was so much more than i was expecting it to be. she touched on those insecurities you sometimes have when you imagine that everyone else is doing it the right way and you are doing it the wrong way. how we can put other unschoolers up on a pedestal and never really get what our own journey is all about. i wish i had written about these things earlier because they seem to be getting more and more fuzzy as the days pass.

during this time scotty had taken sadie up to lee hall where she got to make buttons, he went outside where they were having an impromptu SSUDs gathering in the grass. i came up after the talks and made buttons with all three of my kids (imagine that!). that was great fun and got us thinking about all the cool buttons we could make if we had a button maker. i don't know if that's gonna happen, but it was fun to think about. then it was off to the dinner!!

okay, fast forward to the talent show that night. i saw some familiar faces as i was heading into washburn and had to snap a little was so exciting to go into the second night of the talent show. i didn't know what to expect but i was ready to be entertained. the boys had heard so much about the first night that they decided to come to this one. it was nice to have them there beside me again. our friend jayden did some amazing somersaults. there was an inspiring drum circle and so many other great things i never took pictures of because i was too busy enjoying them. here's jess and tyler enjoying it all along with us.samuel decided at the last minute before the show started that he really did want to be a part of it. we got the paper easel from the lobby and brought it over to washburn so he could do a drawing. he was a little nervous, but he got up there and just went at it. he started out with a pencil, wanting to show his exact process. but nobody could see it so he was handed a sharpie and he got a little more nervous about putting it down in ink instead of pencil...what, no erasing??? but he was awesome!! and it turned out great! mindy asked afterward if he would be willing to put it in the raffle. he even signed it. mindy's son, alex, ended up winning it. how cool is that?? these guys had a great time too during a YMCA performance! everybody now...Y..M...C...A!!
and then it was another late night. of course. hanging out in the lobby again. oh man, i'm so tired just thinking about it....that...i....can't...even....finish...


Jessica said...

Oh man, the dropping of 3 trays in a row and then doing it again on other days just takes me back to my goofy 2 left footed days of public school humiliations. Wow! I really just wanted to crawl under the food trough and sneak out, but I stood up gathered more vittles and carried on. Some people are meant to make others laugh, that is my joy and my humiliation in life.... I was fun eating meals with you guys, we have talked about how it doesn't seem right to have lunch without a tray and the Bowman family. Love Ya!

Beachbum said...

Thanks for writing about yet another day. I look forward to the next one...HUGS!

Madeline said...

You are bringing it all back. Thanks! I love how excited you are, in your description, as meal time approaches. : ) Samuel's drawing was amazing. We have shared his comic book with visitors.

Ren said...

*****cheering for Jess*********

That whole cafeteria thing brought up some weird stuff for me.:) I felt like that gawky, insecure teen again that just KNEW everyone in the cafeteria was looking at me and silently mocking. Some things are really ingrained. Ugh.

I really wish I'd made Beth's talk. I've been thinking a lot about self love and just how deep it can go and how much of it could carry me through if everyone else decided they didn't care for me anymore. Curiosity of the highest order. Or maybe just plain nuerotic late night meanderings. Either way.:)

I love reading about the conference from your eyes. Lovely.

~K~ said...

Oh ya heathen. I love what you're writing. This is PERFECT reading to get in the ARGH groove. La, lala. Thank you!

That's a fantastic picture of you with Amy. I love it, and considering how much whiter the hand is I wasn't confused a bit on whose hand that is.. ;) 7 days!!! ARGH is right around the corner and I'm so glad I'm going to be there even if it's not nearly as long. :D :D Yes.

Cid said...

so much fun to read about your L&L adventures... I'm looking forward to getting there with the fam someday. (my secret do a couple songs to open for Amy :) guess I better get writing, lol

Peace & Abundance, Cid