Saturday, August 28, 2010

the wheel

it goes 'round and 'round...

yesterday, scotty and i went yardsaling on the tree streets. it's an annual ginormous yard sale that goes on for several blocks and several streets. we went by ourselves. it was relaxing and spontaneous. we hadn't even made plans to go until that morning. we held hands and walked and talked. we bought things we needed and didn't need. normal. everyday. marriage. just being in the moment together.

it seems more lately than ever that we sometimes forget to just be with each other. we get into our own things and forget to connect, to really, truly connect. after 16 years together, i think we just have to try harder. i don't really know, this isn't about knowing. i've never really blogged about knowing anything. i usually just ponder. that's what i do.

i've spent the last 15 years trying to be a good mom, re-wiring my brain to let go of the things i learned growing up so that i could be the mom i knew i was meant to be. somewhere along the way i think i got it down pretty well. but recently, i've been feeling like i need to start with a clean slate for being a good partner as well. not that i've been a bad one, but there are so many things i get wrong or don't understand or just resist when it comes to relationships. things, again, that i learned from my past.

i've been looking at all the helpful one-liners that were easy reminders for how to parent well and seeing them as also very useful for how to partner well. things like "would you treat a stranger how you just treated your child?" or "would you talk to your partner the way you talk to your child?" the sort of questions in the parenting books that i really liked that dealt with respect and leaving dignity intact. scotty and i both had to learn these things to be the parents we wanted to be.

these same things came so naturally a long time ago when we were just getting to know each other. somehow the years make us less considerate and careful of our words. i'm not saying we are not good to each other. because we are. i think we just forget.

so i'm working on remembering. changing habits. that's a hard thing to do. but so was changing the things i knew about parenting and the knee-jerk reactions that came along with them.

getting back to really listening, not judging, being engaged, more patient and kind.

sounds simple enough...right??
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1 comment:

Frank said...

My personal discovery: "simple" and "easy" are not the same thing.