parenting journeys

my friend, cheryl, wrote a really nice post on her blog...it felt really familiar. i commented on it and realized that my comment might make a good post since i've not been doing much at the posting helm lately. here is my comment to her post:

"isn't it amazing how quickly things can change...from peaceful to chaos in just seconds? BUT, it's also amazing how much of an impression our general attitude and demeanor have on our children in those situations. they pick up on our peaceful energy as well as the chaotic and follow suit.

and it IS super different to know something, to believe in a way of being and the actual practice part. i've been unschooling for years & years, but only in the last couple have i been able to even begin to let go of my need to control everything and really implement my beliefs in a way that my heart has been trying to make sense of and knows is the right path for us.

i have also been in that position of speaking with an onlooker who thinks we are just so wonderful as a family...and i have to let them know we actually ARE human and that not all moments are so wonderful. but that mostly, if i let them be, yes...they really are or could be. and that always goes back to me and my attitude, my false expectations or ideals vs. my faith in their inherent goodness and wonder.

it's something awesome to navigate these waters of our lives as parents. wonderful and treacherous at the same time. to learn more everyday and be our best selves. i don't know who i would be without the gift of having had children and how it has changed me in ways i never would have thought possible."

we spent the weekend with some fellow unschoolers in columbia for the 3rd time in so many months and as usual, it was a learning experience for me. i always come away with some new insight. it is why i make such an effort now to surround myself as often as possible with other unschoolers. i think that no matter how long i am on this journey i will always feel that i am just beginning. not in a "going in circles" sort of way, but in a "wow, i can do better" way. i've been going to sandra dodd's food chats the last 2 weeks and they have been really helpful. i feel that i get it, always have. but the practice part is an internal struggle that i am getting better and better at dealing with and keeping from being external (i.e. dumping my worries and hesitations and control all over my kids and husband...it's MY thing, not THEIRS!!). in yesterday's chat when i asked for some mantra to keep me from my knee-jerk reactions, sandra shared the insights of diana jenner and it went something like this: if your child died tomorrow, would any of this matter? slammed me up against a wall. and cleared up my vision real well...new glasses-like!! thank you both for that!!

i will never know what is up ahead for me and my family, all i know is that the journey part has been amazing and i can't imagine my life any other way!Share

all kinds of journeys

we recently returned from a really big trip to charleston, sc and then to deltona, fl to visit with our friends. it was long, exhausting, and wonderful!!

when we moved away from charleston, i left a lot of pieces behind...just like i did when we moved away from here. i felt like i had these big huge chunks of myself just all over the place and that i would never feel whole again. amazingly, i no longer feel that way. getting to be with friends again, especially seeing my childhood best friend in florida, brought all the pieces together. even knowing that it was just a visit and that i wouldn't see them again for awhile, i was still at peace.

i learned a lot about friendship and its power and importance. i experienced a tremendous amount of generosity and hospitality (but no martini & rossi asti spumante...LOL...rhyming is fun!) sadie's best friend, maggi, and her mom, nicole, had a room set up for us to use with flowers and a key to the house. we felt so welcomed and at home. my friend, gaetana, in florida's daughter, gabby, gave up her room for us as well. at both places the boys had their sleeping bag on the floor but nicole provided an air mattress and gae a featherbed to go under it. they fed us and took us places, and over all just made us really really comfortable.

we visited with friends at the apartments where we used to live. that was emotional. i felt like all i had to do was walk into my old apartment and i'd be home. like right behind those windows was our old life. it was weird. the kids were thrilled to hang out with their friends at the pool, just like old times.

we went over the big bridge a few times to visit friends. tracy in mt. p. and jess on iop...and their families of course. those were big emotional days as well. it felt like no time had passed, just comfortable and enjoyable. i kept wishing we had longer than one day to spend with each person. it just didn't seem like enough.

i came away from the whole trip with a sense of well being. of personal strength and growth. of knowing myself just a little better. long hours driving are good for thinking even when you are singing at the top of your lungs sometimes. and spending time with people who truly care about you is uplifting and nourishing to the soul.

seeing the ocean again didn't hurt either. but coming back over the mountains towards home, i was in awe of the beauty and the lush green of it all. i hadn't felt that way in a long time. this is home. and i now know that it's okay to have my heart it many places, and still be happy here.

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