what have we been up to?

it's been a long couple of weeks and it seems like we've been just busy busy busy all the time. silas turned 10 this month and we also celebrated our 13th anniversary (both events are on the same day). we had a nice thanksgiving with family, i helped my mom in the kitchen as much as possible without getting in the way too much. after dinner with my family, we went to visit scotty's brother who recently became a father to a beautiful baby boy...and got to see him for the first time. that was wonderful and emotional for me. a new baby always takes my breath away.

the weekend after thanksgiving was filled with meeting new people and learning new things at the ARGH get together (autodidactic radical gathering of homeschoolers). it was excitement from the minute we walked in the door of the rec center on the first night. we hadn't seen ren or her family since halloween and the kids were excited to play with them again. it was refreshing to spend time with other people who are trying to live an unschooled life, who are struggling with the bigger picture where it isn't just about "education." i learned a lot. one of the big things i have been struggling with is control where food is concerned. i came away from the weekend with renewed energy to focus on that issue and to know that it's MY issue and not anyone else's. and to let go just a little bit more. the first night was all about just meeting and playing some games. that was really really fun. i often have a hard time learning new games, it's a good thing there were so many kids and adults willing to tell me just one more time how to play them. finally, i just have to play to really get it. the next day was held at a different location where we had an ATC table, a video game station, lots of toys to choose from and rooms to play in and a kitchen for making ice cream in a bag. the structure was organic and we made it up as we went along. the kids saw the adults sitting around talking and writing on sticky notes and white boards and decided to go into one of the other rooms and do the same thing. it was awesome. the next day was a more informal gathering (is that possible?) at ren's house just to hang out. poor little jalen was sick but consented to have company. the kids played in and outside, playing dress up and board games. scotty got there around 7 or so and finally got to meet everyone, then we played the bean bag toss game which he loved. steve did our human design charts and explained them to us. we didn't leave until almost midnight. i was pooped out the next day and thought i was getting the flu but just needed to rest all day long.

so that's our life in a nutshell the last few weeks. just the highlights. because, of course, there's always much much more.

Share

dreams

i was emailing my bff and i thought "this might make a decent blog entry since i've been so lazy and not done one lately." i had this long rant in my mind of a post that was going to be really interesting about having gone to a homeschooling talk and how i got irritated and walked out. but i just got over it and didn't feel like it anymore. maybe some other time when my feathers are ruffled again, i'll share that story. but here's a bit from my email about dreams:

back to your question about dreams. "i have so many dreams. do you ever feel that way?" yes, i feel that way so often it hurts. i just want so much this life or that one. paths i might've taken. things that maybe i could still do on this path as well. i dream of having land. to build a house with my own two hands and have a garden. i also want a store front, a retail and gallery space for local arts and crafts. there's a space for rent and another space for sale in downtown jonesboro. i think about that a lot lately. i have a food wagon idea. i dream about being a singer/performer of some kind. i want to dance and being in this space right now i can't really. i danced my ass off at rascal's halloween eve though. fun dancing not lyrical/serious dancing. i dream of building cabins for a retreat of some sort but then i imagine it would be hard dealing with people in that way and i'm not sure. i dream of living completely alone. in a little house. with very little inside of it. a bed, a table, a lamp. and a studio room. and lots of flowers. i dream of having more children, which i won't but it comes to me sometimes that i might like to. i dream of writing. stories, songs, poems. i even dream (real ones while i'm asleep) that i've written an amazing song and i'm singing it and i've gotten it written down and at some point i realize it's a dream and i tell myself to try really hard to remember it when i wake up. but i never do.Share

our busy first month back home

well, i thought i would start off my coming back to blogger with a little bit about our first month back home again in tennessee.

we started out enjoying the mountains again right away. it is amazing how quickly (if you can call 3 years quick) that i forgot how beautiful it is here. the rivers and mountains took my breath away.

spending some quality time with friends and family was a long time coming as well. our 2nd week here we went to our first sofh group in years. and it was almost as if no time had passed. a new building and kids that did not really remember each other didn't stop everyone from feeling right at home.

the kids have gotten to spend tons of time with their cousins again. sometimes a mixed blessing, but always an experience to remember. and being able to grow up around family is something i really want them to have.

going hiking again is something we looked forward to but i was unsure whether we would actually get out and get back into that habit again. i shouldn't have worried. we have gone to the mountains almost every week, sometimes twice a week since getting back. i now realize how out of shape i've gotten walking around on perfectly flat ground.

next we met some new friends that we had only known briefly through email. and we are so glad we did. we have so much fun with them! we got together once at rock creek, played in the very dry pond making obos and taking lots and lots of pictures.


another big adventure was the cutting of silas' hair!! something i hadn't thought we would be doing so soon. but it was time. and he feels a lot better. and if this is even possible, he has more energy now!! he's enjoying being able to play with gel and spike his hair ocassionally. he's even talked about dying it blue sometime.

we made cookies with sofh and had a really great time meeting yet another great family (beth and her daughter elise, who decided that silas would be her boyfriend!) and got all sugared up!! i think i had just as much fun as the kids did (if not more) rolling out the dough and making cookies to decorate!!

and then there's the day we became slug and snail pet owners!! not much i can say about that except, it was more interesting than i thought it would be. we now have 3 cages of them, one has eggs in it and we're waiting to see what happens there.

and then FINALLY, FINALLY, we got together with our best friends in the mountains. the CG clan! and as usual, they made awesome food for us. cornbread that was all fresh ingredients right off the farm. beans that tasted so good i was almost sure there had to be lard in it...but there wasn't especially for us!! the kids played games and ran around outside and when it came time to go home, they didn't want to. i came away from the day with a very eye-opening lesson on what it really means to conserve water and it has been something i have carried with me every day since. implementing new ways to do things that i would not have thought of before.

halloween was celebrated in two days. on halloween eve we went to a family event at rascals teen center in kinsport. i hadn't been there in almost 20 years and i had just as much fun dancing as i did back then. the kids dressed up and had a really fun time running around the place, eating free pizza, doughnuts, and sodas. i ran into a friend from college AND a friend from high school and traded email addresses. samuel won the costume contest for his age group...very cool! he was the grim reaper, silas was a zombie, and sadie was a witch.

on halloween night, we got together with ren and her gang again for a wandering about in downtown jonesborough and then trick-or-treating in a nearby neighborhood. the kids got so much candy, and shared some with we big folks too old to go door-to-door. at ren's house the candy sorting began as they traded and organized their candy loot. we ate yummy bread and deliciously rich beans (you can't beat having so many friends who will feed you bread and beans!!)

we've gone to my nephew's baseball games and had backporch-firepit banana roasts with grandma. we've eaten at pal's at least 5 times already (we went without it for 3 years, so we had to catch up!). i've helped my dad fix things here and there, started a compost and recycling bin for them. we've learned how to live in a multi-generational home, and see it's benefits as well as it's drawbacks (mostly having to do with space). it's been a full month. i can't wait to see what's next!!

Share

coming back to blogger

okay, i've decided that i'm going to try out blogger again for awhile since most of the people i know are on here as well. it's changed a lot since i last blogged here so i think it will probably be just as good as blogdrive.com, but we'll just see!!Share

new blog

for anyone that comes across this page i want to redirect you to my personal blog
http://sssmommy.blogdrive.com

see ya there!!Share

adding a pic

i'm adding this picture on here so i can follow the crazy directions for adding a picture to my profile for my dear friend CG who requested it! =). this is why i went to blogdrive. it is too weird to upload pix on this site. well it used to be. seems to be a little easier now. still i have to do this just to have a pic for my profile. weird.Share

moving

i have decided to move my family blog to a new blog service. to see my new page go to http://sssfamily.blogdrive.com

i'll still keep this blog running until i move all my old entries though.

peace,
laShare

another good joke

silas told me a good joke today:

s: "how many chins does a fortune teller have?"

me: "i don't know, how many?"

s: "four chins, fortunes...get it??"

he told me this outside of the church we had just been in to celebrate my niece's 8th grade graduation. this is the first time in over 10 years i've been to a church service, and that time was for a wedding (at the same church even!). it was strange, i still know the whole ceremony...has anyone ever been raised catholic and not still known the mass by heart?? weird.

quote for my state of mind today and from a song that won't get out of my head:
"i thought that i'd outgrow this kind of thing. tell me, aren't we supposed to mature or something? i haven't found that yet, is this as grown up as we ever get? maybe this is as good as it gets. years may go by, but i think the heart remains a child. the mind may grow wise, but the heart just sulks and it whines and remains a child."
from - "the heart remains a child"
by - everything but the girl (i adore them, <---click here to check them out!)Share

cave lady

it has been forever since i had an entry here...i must not have anything to say. or do i?? i seem to be withdrawing from things lately. i don't feel like being around friends, except the one friend that i can't be around...so very far away. i meet new people and immediately i feel the pressure of friendship...the one thing i always longed for i now pull away from like it is a disease. i just want to be at home, my sanctuary away from the world. well anyway...Share

vacation

home for a little vacation. has it only been 3 months since we moved...seems like so much longer. i read a book the other day "the five people you meet in heaven" by mitch albom. it was useful, timely even. and here is a quote, i am all about quotes today:
"learn this from me. holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves."

and from a song:
"is there something that you haven't said?
i believe...i believe that love...i believe that love is the only thing...the only thing that can heal...us all." -j. siberry

and this is where i am right now in my particular journey to self. i'm looking at healing, instead of reopening, old wounds. i'm looking at forgiving, instead of forgetting. i'm looking at holding onto, instead of letting go of, people. i'm at that place we all come to eventually, even if just to visit for awhile. i just wanted to put this down somewhere, anywhere, for whatever reason. because today was harder than it should've been, and i need to know why.
Share

Edisto

We went to Edisto Island on Sunday. It has been almost 10 years since we were there last…and got married. Scotty swears we went when Samuel was a baby, but I really don’t remember that happening, maybe we talked about going because we did visit Charleston in January just before Samuel’s 1st birthday. But it was just an overnight trip and I cannot for the life of me remember going to Edisto, afterall it’s a pretty long drive from Charleston-almost an hour-plus I have a lot of pictures from that trip and none were taken on Edisto. This is one of the most frustrating aspects of being known by everyone as the person with the bad memory. If I don’t remember something happening, and someone else does, then it is assumed that I simply don’t remember. I have no ground to stand on. Funny thing is, there are some things I do remember, like the first time I ever came to Edisto Island. It was in the spring of 1992, some friends from school and I rented a house, the Lela B. It was one of the best times I can remember. I never wanted to go home. I fell in love with the ocean; and for the past 12 years I have wanted nothing more than to live by one. And here we are in Charleston, finally.

So when we decided to drive out to Edisto on Sunday, I knew I wanted to see the Lela B. We drove up and down the road a few times looking for a good spot with parking and beach access. We passed the Lela B a few times (as well as another house I had stayed in before and the house we stayed at when we got married). We found a good spot and got settled in the sand with some toys for the kids and a blanket for us to sit on. I walked out to the water and looked around, I could see the Lela B from where we were. I decided that before we left I would walk down and get a closer look. When I did, I was a little surprised to see that she had lost the stairs that led down to the beach, the roof didn’t look too good either. Now, I must confess that this house was no fancy place back in 92 either; even then there was a broken window covered with a trash bag, the bathtub had a soft spot in it, and the deck was pretty rough and rickety. But it was love at first sight for me. I remember the yellow furniture and the big sun clock on the wall (okay, I’m pretty sure it was a clock, maybe it was just a big sun). I remember waking up to the sound of seagulls outside and feeding them from the deck in our pajamas. I remember watching the sun come up. Now, she was falling apart. I was able to get up on the deck to peak quickly into a window (I didn’t want to arouse too much suspicion), there was the same yellow vinyl furniture. That was all I saw. I was a little scared being up on the high deck that was surely going to fall apart at any minute. So I got out of there pretty quick.

On the walk back to our spot on the beach, I thought a lot about the week I had spent in that house and how it had shaped a big part of who I am today. That was when I realized that I have spent most of my adult life trying to relive a part of my childhood that I actually do remember, Blue Lake in Indiana. I don’t need to go into all the details of what that means, but I will say that I have always loved the feeling of being on an endless vacation. Scotty talks about how people constantly try to recreate their childhood memories of Christmas and how no one is ever completely happy with that recreation and that is why Christmas is so bittersweet. I now understand what he is talking about, the only difference is I haven’t just tried to recreate my past once a year. I have been longing to permanently relive that feeling, whatever it is, of staying those long summers at the lake. Playing cards late into the night, bonfires, swimming, boats, pontoons, friends, family, no thoughts of having to go to school or work, nothing to interrupt the long, lazy days of summer. I guess those are my happiest childhood memories, some of the only ones really. It is frustrating to not remember very much. Maybe the fact that I remember so little is why I cling to those few memories and why I will always try to recapture them.
Share

check out this natural birth site!
http://trustinbirth.org
Share

arriving

written 10-1-04
Well, we finally arrived. Our first day consisted of unpacking the uhaul and organizing where all the boxes would go. Scotty had to go to work that afternoon--fortunately it wasn’t his day to drive (he has been car-pooling which works out great for us since he works so far away I would probably never take him to work to keep the car). So the kids and I were at home being overwhelmed by all the boxes and mess when I realize that we can go somewhere for supper…we have the car!! So we head down folly road looking for a place to eat, next thing we know we are on folly island (which is only 10 minutes away). So we park the car and go to a little smoky restaurant/bar local hang out type place at the beach. They have a really good veggie burger. We actually enjoyed ourselves for a change, mainly because I tried not to get too uptight about the kids playing around the video games and jukebox and I let them each pick a song to play. It was a good first day. The following week I spent a lot of time just trying to make the place livable. I haven’t gotten the dining room table finished yet so we are using a card table for the kids to eat at, but mostly I’ve been letting them eat on the floor while watching videos. I know, I know, bad idea, but with all the work I have to do it just makes things easier. Oh here’s something cool, yesterday morning, before scotty had to go to work, he decided that we needed to get out of the apartment for a little bit so we went to the beach for about 30 minutes and then came home. It was amazing to be able to just jump in the car and go to the beach and be home in less than an hour. And we really needed it, we’ve had a cold all week and the fresh air helped a lot. Well, anyway that’s enough for now.
Share

a good weekend!

let me tell you about my weekend. it started off on saturday spending a good chunk of the afternoon at a burger king playground with my friend and her kids. we hadn't seen each other in quite awhile due to our 3-week-long-sickness-from-hell-that-wouldn't-go-away!! it was yet another day of learning for me as a mom...4 hours is a long time to spend at a place like that!! but it was ultimately enjoyable, tiring, but enjoyable. then on sunday morning, scotty got here at around 8 am. i didn't tell the kids he was coming, so it was a big big surprise for them. we hadn't planned on this little visit, but since he got the apartment on friday and had sunday off he figured he would come and get the bed, at least! he loaded the van with all sorts of boxes to make his last week alone (and in a new, empty apartment) more liveable. it was so amazing to see him again after 5 weeks. now we have just 1 more week and we will be moved to charleston and living as a family again!! on sunday, we also had a birthday to attend and a good time was had by all at a place called "fun adventure"...lots of games to play and an indoor playground, plus pizza and cake. i took a lot of pictures of all the kids since it's the first time in awhile that ALL of the cousins have been together. we actually have a group photo now!! it was a pretty relaxing experience, believe it or not. i have always been really stressed out going to places like that, but this place is well lit, very open, and comfortable (as opposed dark, small, and crowded). i ordered cheese nachos for sadie because she simply will not eat pizza!!! samuel ran all over the place using his tokens for games and playing in the indoor play structure, scotty took silas around to the games and played mini-golf with him, while i took sadie and found all the little kid games to play...then she wanted to play mini-golf too. all the kids won tickets from the games and they used them for little prizes just before we left. even though it sounds a lot like chuck e. cheese, it was more enjoyable. i feel like i'm giving a review of the place...we'll say 4 stars out of 5 since the pizza could've cooked a little longer and they should give you more time in the room you rent for your party! well, that was my good weekend!
Share

something to think about

nice rats in bad environments acted worse than mean rats in good environments.
nice rats in good environments acted better than mean rats in good environments.
nice rats in bad environments acted better than mean rats in bad environments.
no one factor decides all.
-sandra dodd referring to a nature vs. nurture study on rats

just made me think about people and how the nicest person can still be a rat in the right situation.
Share

a good joke

sadie and i were doing knock knock jokes. here's how it went down:

me: knock, knock
sadie: who's there?
me: banana
sadie: banana who?
me: knock knock
sadie (laughing): who's there?
me: banana
sadie: banana who?
me: knock knock
sadie: who's there???
me: banana
sadie: banana who???
me: knock knock
sadie: mommmmy!! who's there?
me: orange
sadie: orange who?
me: orange you glad i didn't say banana??

sadie: i have one, knock knock
me: who's there?
sadie: banana
me: banana who?
sadie: banana you glad i didn't say orange?

this makes me laugh everytime i think about it, isn't it just too funny???
Share

sadie vogue

come on vogue, let your body move to the music, move to the music!!
Share

sk8erboyz

samuel, silas, and cousin wesley
Share

another picture by sadie!!

Share

charleston unschoolers support group

i'm trying to get a support group started for unschoolers in the charleston area! if you're interested go check out my yahoo groups page and join:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chazunschoolers
Share